Money Pressure

I tell myself we would have no worries if we just a little more money. We’re always doing fine and God always provides but it’s this mountain of school debt that hangs over me like a stack of falling papers. Will it ever be paid off? I have created our budget, we’ve been sticking to it, but we’re not ahead on taxes. I’m wondering if I really believe that God is our provider. Every day I wake up with the pressure of the bills and I worry until I go to sleep. Throughout this six years of marriage, God has always provided for us. We’ve been able to deal with medical bills that have come up and we’ve been able to eat out once a week. Yet I still worry. I have to start living the truth that God always takes care of us. We always have enough. Enough-that needs to be my motto. February 2012 we will be debt free if we keep going the way we are. So I have two choices. I can worry until then or let go. Let go of this worry that hangs around my neck like a millstone. Do I really believe God will provide or am I still trying to be in control?

The Audience of One

               I try-hard.  My intentions are always to have a clean house, a growing church that knows I love them, happy sons, and a satisfied husband.  I want to be an excellent friend, a fabulous cook and a stylish dresser.  I want people to see all of my efforts and know I am a woman of God who gives everything her all.

           Then the inevitable happens.  I disappoint someone.  I forget to call, forget to send a present, don’t have time to shower, and burn whatever I am trying to make.  My husband is frustrated at my attitude and I can’t figure out how to breathe deeply.  Then it is my turn to be hard on myself.  If I had more courage I would throw up my hands in despair and give up.  But I keep plodding on–hoping that every step will bring me closer to the one who made me.

               I want to be honed in on God’s voice. Only.  It’s just that all the other voices are so loud.  So I bow my head and pray this prayer:

            My Jesus,  Help me.  I can’t do this life without you in the center of all that I do.  Please get in the way of my to-do list and my responsibilities.  I’m tired of listening to other’s opinions of who I am.  May every effort bring you glory and may I get no credit for what you do through me.  Give me a listening ear to the sound of your voice.  Thank you for calling me worthy. I am nothing without you. Amen.

Zoe at 3:30 in the AM

With a 3 year old, 8 month old, and a dog-our sleep patterns are never set. Last night, we hit the sleep lottery and both boys drifted off without any trouble to an entire night’s sleep. Zoe was not so cooperative. At 3:30, she started whimpering, which is usually solved by burrowing under our covers and sleeping at our feet. She sat on my head, licked Devin’s toes, and was a total nuisance for a half an hour. I let her outside, waited for her to come in, and then we commenced this grand game in the bed that Zoe invented. An hour later I checked her kennel and realized our dog had no food or water!! Only one word went through my mind–DUH! I could have had a much more restful night if I would have checked the food first.
Advent season is a busy time for all of us. We try to remember the joy of the season, the Christ of the manger, but we rush around trying to keep up with our list of activities. I’ve been running around with my to-do list and wondering why I feel so overwhelmed. I’ve been jumping around trying to meet everyone’s expectations and forgetting major appointments and people. I need spiritual food. God is there for me to refresh my soul and I have slipped past him without a pause. Join me and decide that today is the day you pause in the presence of your creator. Take time to be fed by the living God. Quench your thirsty soul.